Translation of a text

[PCC_NS]

Hi all !

i am in a track and i need to put a english text, but i have a bad english ^^

please can you correcting this text:

To play without the story, roll along the pool ...
MOD without the story enabled!

In this castle has lived in tranquility ...
until ...
... Illidan took the castle in its possession ...
With the help of residents, trace back control!

The entrance has been closed! Find a way to enter ...
Take this scroll and give it to Elina.
Hello, what do you bring to me
... a parchment?!?
On this scroll, it says that the wearer,
is a brave person,
you will be able to free ourselves from Illidan.
There is only one way to kill him ...
The hammer of Ragnaros!
but you will have to make a potion to wear it!
I warn all villageaois of your arrival,
they will help you in your journey ...
You need a vial of water to make the potion ...
Find it !
You do not take the vial!
Vial found!
You need a bamboo root.
Root of bamboo found!
Present yourself to the laboratory, and take the eternal air
Here the eternal air, my friend!
Go to see Nimbus, he is in the tavern
You have all the ingredients, thank you,
I go to be able to prepare the potion ...
Hold this !
drink it, when you are at the foot of the hammer of Ragnaros.
You got a piece of armor!
Do not approach the guards!
The guards of Illidan kill you !
It's time to drink the potion ...
The hammer burning you!
To kill Illidan you must hit in the face.
Your armor is destroyed! and the potion is no longer effective!
This is the END!!
You are dead!

[eie]

I don't speak perfect English myself either, but I could try to fix what I know is wrong ^_^
(Also, I think this is a good idea considering I rather dislike badly translated English on tracks... it makes it seem unprofessional somehow =P)

[quote='PCC','index.php?page=Thread&postID=8603#post8603']

[s]To play without the story, roll along the pool ...[/s]
Drive along the pool to play without the story. (Depending on where you drive, I cannot tell if "along" is used correctly)

[s]MOD without the story enabled![/s]
The story has been disabled! (Did you really mean to say MOD? If so, I'm confused)

[s]In this castle has lived in tranquility ...[/s]
In this castle life has been peaceful (you can you 'tranquil' instead of 'peaceful')
[s]until ...[/s]
until one tragic day... (A sentence should be more than one word. And no spacing between 'until' and '...')
[s]... Illidan took the castle in its possession ...[/s]
Illidan interrupted the tranquil and cast a spell to control the castle. (How can anyone really steal a castle :S, otherwise it'd be "Illidan took the castle into his possession...)
[s]With the help of residents, trace back control![/s]
With the help of the residents, help take back control. (might add 'of the castle' to the end)

[s]The entrance has been closed! Find a way to enter ...[/s]
The entrance has been closed! Find another way to enter... (No spacing =) and I assume it would be better to find another another entrance if the first one is closed, although if not, just remove 'another')
Take this scroll and give it to Elina.
(This is correct)
Hello, what do you bring to me
Hello adventurer, what brings you to me?
[s]... a parchment?!?[/s]
... A parchment!? (capitalize that first letter)
[s]On this scroll, it says that the wearer,[/s]
This scroll says, that its bearer,
is a brave person,
(This is correct)
[s]you will be able to free ourselves from Illidan.[/s]
It also says that you will be able to free us from Illidan. (I don't think you can use ourselves here...)
[s]There is only one way to kill him ...[/s]
There is only one way to kill him... (This was almost correct ^^, just a minor issue =p)
[s]The hammer of Ragnaros![/s]
... With the hammer of Ragnaros! (Although it is originally spelled Raganr

[Igntul]

grammar nazi attacks :3

[eie]

[s]grammar nazi attacks :3[/s]

Grammar Nazi attacks :3

Always remember to capitalize those letters

[PCC_NS]

THank you a lot Eie !

Ragnaros is a hero in World of Warcraft

[PCC_NS]

I go to put this text:

______________________________

Drive along the pool to play without the story.
The story has been disabled!

In this castle life has been tranquil
until one tragic day...
Illidan took the castle into his possession...
With the help of the residents, help take back control of the castle.



The entrance has been closed! Find another way to enter...


Take this parchment and give it to Elina.

Hello adventurer, what brings you to me?
... A parchment!?
This parchment says, that its bearer,
is a brave person,
It also says that you will be able to free us from Illidan.
There is only one way to kill him...
... With the hammer of Ragnaros!
To be able to wear it, you will have to make a potion!
I will warn all the villagers of your arrival
they will help you on your quest...


You need a vial of water to make the potion...
Find it!
You haven't got the vial!
You found the vial!

You need a bamboo root.
You found bamboo root!

Go to the laboratory, and get the eternal air.
Here is the eternal air, my friend!
Go see Nimbus, he's in the tavern.

You have all the ingredients needed,
I will go and prepare the potion...
Take this!
Drink it when you are at the foot of the hammer of Ragnaros.


You got a piece of armor! (you get multiple pieces of armor in the track)

Don't approach the guards!
The guards of Illidan kill you ! (this sentence is triggered when you approach the guards)

It's time to drink the potion...
The hammer is burning you (this sentence is triggered when you fall)

You must hit Illidan in the face to kill him.
Your armour is destroyed! And the potion is no longer effective!

This is the END!
You are dead!
__________________________________

thank you very much Eie

[eie]

You need a bamboo root.
You found a bamboo root!

either that or

You need bamboo root.
You found bamboo root!



[s]You got a piece of armor![/s] (you get multiple pieces of armor in the track)
You found a piece of armour!

I think it would sound better if you find the armour =)

[s]The hammer is burning you[/s] (this sentence is triggered when you fall)
The hammer burns you

Did you mean 'when you fail' or 'when you fall'? =P Well either way I think it would sound better to say 'burns you' (although both work)

[s]The guards of Illidan kill you ![/s]
The guards of Illidan kill you!

Now what did I tell you about spacing?

Just some small adjustments... =) and yeah I recognized this was something from WoW when I read Illidan, since I've played the game myself (some years ago ^^) but I thought it was weird to connect Illidan with Ragnaros, since they weren't even in the same expansion pack ;P

[PCC_NS]

thank you for adjustement :search:

there is that hammer of Ragnaros in the track ^^ one may suggest that Ragnaros is dead

I also play this game for a long time,and i like it, but money ... and this game takes too much time :rocketlauncher:

[__Tornado__]

Very good work. I enjoy it because my english isn